Pacify

[l'Ancien]

The elven warrior was outnumbered, fighting fiercely, but his face relaxed as he looked past the orcs, to see the enchantress, and heard her gentle words. His eyes closed and the unearthly calm of his face contrasted oddly with the flashing of his staff, as it leaped unerringly about, deflecting the orc-spears with no visible effort. One of the orcs noticed her, and with a fierce cry leaped to strike her down. Her quiet murmer stilled the rage in his eyes, and he prodded her gently with his spear, as if warning her away from the fight, or trying to frighten her half-heartedly. Her face was stern, as she raised her hand again, and looked around at the slaughtered villagers, and at the blood-stained spear almost touching her. Her next words were neither gentle nor quiet, but rang of vengeance and justice. Even so, now I understand why she repeated so often the mantra, "A soft word turneth away great wrath."

On Life among the Elves, from the Travels of l'Ancien

[l'Ancien]

Is this too long?

[l'Ancien]

I watched as the Amazons closed on the lone Fire Giantess, as she knelt, hunched over. She was already wounded, and seemed near the end of her strength. But as she suddenly rose, and stepped forward, I realized she had been scratching a design on the ground with her staff. A column of fire erupted from the ground, before the oncoming Amazon warriors. At the sight of what emerged from that doorway of flame, all thought left my mind--save this one plan: To put as much distance between me and that desert place as possible. If you come to a desert inhabited by Fire Giants, best go 'round. You never know what you might meet in there.

Trials of Fire, from the Travels of l'Ancien

[l'Ancien]

Path of Fire is fine, thought Gate of Fire could be used as well (if you have a good spell image).

[Boaster]

lancien said:

The elven warrior was outnumbered, fighting fiercely, but his face relaxed as he looked past the orcs, to see the enchantress, and heard her gentle words. His eyes closed and the unearthly calm of his face contrasted oddly with the flashing of his staff, as it leaped unerringly about, deflecting the orc-spears with no visible effort. One of the orcs noticed her, and with a fierce cry leaped to strike her down. Her quiet murmer stilled the rage in his eyes, and he prodded her gently with his spear, as if warning her away from the fight, or trying to frighten her half-heartedly. Her face was stern, as she raised her hand again, and looked around at the slaughtered villagers, and at the blood-stained spear almost touching her. Her next words were neither gentle nor quiet, but rang of vengeance and justice. Even so, now I understand why she repeated so often the mantra, "A soft word turneth away great wrath."

On Life among the Elves, from the Travels of l'Ancien

Needs revision. Consider this:

Outnumbered, fighting against all odds, he turned a cheek and met relief. With a bright eyes and a gentle hymn, her words were elogant and gentle. His eyes closed and reopened with radiance. No missile, no axe, no average spear could touch him. Her mantra was a blessing, "soft words to turn great peril."

The Lore of l'Ancien.

[l'Ancien]

admin said:

lancien said:

The elven warrior was outnumbered, fighting fiercely, but his face relaxed as he looked past the orcs, to see the enchantress, and heard her gentle words. His eyes closed and the unearthly calm of his face contrasted oddly with the flashing of his staff, as it leaped unerringly about, deflecting the orc-spears with no visible effort. One of the orcs noticed her, and with a fierce cry leaped to strike her down. Her quiet murmer stilled the rage in his eyes, and he prodded her gently with his spear, as if warning her away from the fight, or trying to frighten her half-heartedly. Her face was stern, as she raised her hand again, and looked around at the slaughtered villagers, and at the blood-stained spear almost touching her. Her next words were neither gentle nor quiet, but rang of vengeance and justice. Even so, now I understand why she repeated so often the mantra, "A soft word turneth away great wrath."

On Life among the Elves, from the Travels of l'Ancien

Needs revision. Consider this:

Outnumbered, fighting against all odds, he turned a cheek and met relief. With a bright eyes and a gentle hymn, her words were elogant and gentle. His eyes closed and reopened with radiance. No missile, no axe, no average spear could touch him. Her mantra was a blessing, "soft words to turn great peril."

The Lore of l'Ancien.

Are you editing for style or length? I was trying to get both ways of using Pacify into the story, but I don't want it to get cut off at the bottom of the page.

Also, mine seems a little lengthy and detail-laden, but yours seems a little unspecific to me. I'll try editing it to a more succinct story.

[l'Ancien]

lancien said:

The elven warrior was outnumbered, fighting fiercely, but his face relaxed as he looked past the orcs, to see the enchantress, and heard her gentle words. His eyes closed and the unearthly calm of his face contrasted oddly with the flashing of his staff, as it leaped unerringly about, deflecting the orc-spears with no visible effort. One of the orcs noticed her, and with a fierce cry leaped to strike her down. Her quiet murmer stilled the rage in his eyes, and he prodded her gently with his spear, as if warning her away from the fight, or trying to frighten her half-heartedly. Her face was stern, as she raised her hand again, and looked around at the slaughtered villagers, and at the blood-stained spear almost touching her. Her next words were neither gentle nor quiet, but rang of vengeance and justice. Even so, now I understand why she repeated so often the mantra, "A soft word turneth away great wrath."

On Life among the Elves, from the Travels of l'Ancien

The orc sprang from the shadows, wicked spear ready to thrust her through. My word of warning died on my lips, as she faced him calmly, and spoke too softly for me to hear. Though he continued to threaten, and shake his spear, he seemed unable to strike. Her peaceful voice never wavered, until at last he slunk away, ashamed and confused. Then she turned to me, and said softly, "Now you see the truth. A soft word turns away great wrath, and pacifies both wild beasts and evil creatures, while giving strength to the brave in the face of danger."

On the Magic of the Elves, by l'Ancien

[l'Ancien]

Her soft voice penetrated the din of battle, and the elven warrior's face grew calm. His staff flickered ever more quickly, effortlesly turning aside the spears and arrows as fast as they flew at him, while peace was in his eyes and the enchantress' voice was in his ears.

Battles of the Elves, by l'Ancien

I like the one about the enchantress and the orc better than this one, though.

[Boaster]

Your stories are weird, to be blunt.

[l'Ancien]

I was describing what the spell would look like when cast, and what the basic effect is. There are two effects. Casting it on your own unit makes them harder to damage, but makes it pointless to attack. Casting it on enemy units usually results in them still attacking, but ineffectively, so it looks like they're just waving their weapons in your face.

But I was trying to write it from the point of view of someone observing it, to explain why the same guy is writing about both Life and Fire. l'Ancien travels, and researches spells in different Faiths, often by direct observation of the effect.

If you wish to provide useful criticism, bluntness is good. I don't see how somone who wrote

Outnumbered, fighting against all odds, he turned a cheek and met relief. With a bright eyes and a gentle hymn, her words were elogant and gentle. His eyes closed and reopened with radiance. No missile, no axe, no average spear could touch him. Her mantra was a blessing, "soft words to turn great peril."

can say "Your stories are weird" without providing any explanation of what you mean. Yes, they are weird. That's a good thing, since this is fantasy. If they were realistic, the spell wouldn't have worked.

[Boaster]

Weird (as in far out), too wordy, too specific.